First do no harm

Last night I sat down and watched the film ‘First do no harm’


This post is not to tell you how good or bad the film is, or even what it is about, if you want to know the details then go to Wikipedia and have a read, but in brief, there is a family, the son gets sick, he doesn’t respond to the normal treatments, then they finally manage to find something that works for him.

The reason for this post is because although I have watched it many times before and shed a tear or two at some point through it, this time I pretty much blubbed from start to end.

Why you may ask, well it bought back soo many memories, although what this child goes through is nothing like what Tim went through, in fact it is probably a million times worse, I can understand what that mother must have been feeling.

And there are a few quotes from the film that I thought I would share with you.

Firstly the soundtrack for the film is Somewhere over the rainbow, I don’t know what it is about that piece of music, but it gets me everytime.

I think one of the biggest ones for me is

‘Why don’t you go home and get some rest’

This can be said by hospital staff, friends, family, it doesn’t matter who, I know when I was staying in with Tim I was desperate to go home, I had left another child behind, I felt soo guilty that I wasn’t giving him as much attention as he deserved, I wanted to just get out of there, it didn’t even need to be to home, I felt I needed to breathe get away from it all, just step back for a while and let someone else deal with it, but I couldn’t if he couldn’t do that then how could I, his mother, leave him to go through it all on his own.

The next one counts for last year and this

‘Joint decision making without information’

It is amazing how often we are expected to make choices and decisions based on only half the information, in regards to Tim in hospital last year I am fairly sure they were giving us as much information as they had, unfortunately he was causing them confusion so they were struggling themselves.
However this year with completely different things I have been going though it seems that you can really be expected to make decisions with only half the information, then someone will sound surprised about the decisions you have made based on the information you have. Weeks later you get drip fed a bit more and suddenly think, maybe that is why they were surprised that I made the decisions I made!

Again this one fits this year and last

‘I miss us’

When I spent so long in hospital with Tim this was very true, and again this year it fits, but unfortunately due to the position I have been put in there really is no going back.
In Sam’s words

‘Why were we 4 and now we are 3’

I have no answer to give him for that, but it is the way that things are from here on.

And this final one is more about this year

‘My family are not going on welfare’

I have always been a believer in paying my own way and supporting myself, but unfortunately sometimes something happens to destroy your life and you have no choice!

Tonight no sad films, and no tears!


Lots of changes and firsts

I know I have been quiet for a while, but my life has changed drastically, for anyone who isn’t already aware, now it is just me and the boys.

But after an exciting week I thought it would be a good time to share some of the boys firsts.

It began last weekend

Due to Tim being in hospital at various points this time last year he had never had a birthday party, so last weekend was his first birthday party, with a few of his friends from nursery, they all seemed to have a great time, playing games and eating chicken nuggets and chips.

This week was Tim’s first swimming lesson in the pool on his own, without me. He was amazing, I told him to go and sit with the other children on the side and he did it straight away, joining in with everything. Well almost everything, at one point he did stop halfway across the pool to shout

Mummy, I can’t do it

as soon as I told him he could and was doing great he got going again and was fine for the rest of the lesson.

We had a first of being in a new hall for Brownies and Guides this week as the one we were meeting in is due to be demolished, not only was it a new venue, but also a new night for the Guides and the first time that they have started meeting at the same time.

and probably the biggest first of the week was Sam’s first day at school

and on a lesser note, we also have our first Aloe Vera plant, kindly donated by a friend.
I am not sure how long it is going to survive as Tim has also had his first taste of Aloe Vera, when I turned around to hear him saying

can I eat it?

I was very quick to remove it from him!