Last night I sat down and watched the film ‘First do no harm’
This post is not to tell you how good or bad the film is, or even what it is about, if you want to know the details then go to Wikipedia and have a read, but in brief, there is a family, the son gets sick, he doesn’t respond to the normal treatments, then they finally manage to find something that works for him.
The reason for this post is because although I have watched it many times before and shed a tear or two at some point through it, this time I pretty much blubbed from start to end.
Why you may ask, well it bought back soo many memories, although what this child goes through is nothing like what Tim went through, in fact it is probably a million times worse, I can understand what that mother must have been feeling.
And there are a few quotes from the film that I thought I would share with you.
Firstly the soundtrack for the film is Somewhere over the rainbow, I don’t know what it is about that piece of music, but it gets me everytime.
I think one of the biggest ones for me is
‘Why don’t you go home and get some rest’
This can be said by hospital staff, friends, family, it doesn’t matter who, I know when I was staying in with Tim I was desperate to go home, I had left another child behind, I felt soo guilty that I wasn’t giving him as much attention as he deserved, I wanted to just get out of there, it didn’t even need to be to home, I felt I needed to breathe get away from it all, just step back for a while and let someone else deal with it, but I couldn’t if he couldn’t do that then how could I, his mother, leave him to go through it all on his own.
The next one counts for last year and this
‘Joint decision making without information’
It is amazing how often we are expected to make choices and decisions based on only half the information, in regards to Tim in hospital last year I am fairly sure they were giving us as much information as they had, unfortunately he was causing them confusion so they were struggling themselves.
However this year with completely different things I have been going though it seems that you can really be expected to make decisions with only half the information, then someone will sound surprised about the decisions you have made based on the information you have. Weeks later you get drip fed a bit more and suddenly think, maybe that is why they were surprised that I made the decisions I made!
Again this one fits this year and last
‘I miss us’
When I spent so long in hospital with Tim this was very true, and again this year it fits, but unfortunately due to the position I have been put in there really is no going back.
In Sam’s words
‘Why were we 4 and now we are 3’
I have no answer to give him for that, but it is the way that things are from here on.
And this final one is more about this year
‘My family are not going on welfare’
I have always been a believer in paying my own way and supporting myself, but unfortunately sometimes something happens to destroy your life and you have no choice!
Tonight no sad films, and no tears!